Singing Heart Page 2

  Mama yawned delicately peeking out of sleepy blue eyes she checked on her brood. Another sign of pregnancy. Rebecca could fall asleep anytime, anywhere. She seemed to stay in a soporific haze. Rubicund lips curved in to a sweet smile as she felt her oldest staring at her.

  “What?”

  “You’re so gorgeous Mama. I hope I look just like you when I’m a grown lady.”

  Rebecca’s eyes misted. “That’s a precious compliment. I don’t feel very pretty today.”

  She touched her abdomen thinking about the new life growing inside. She cherished all her children and this one would be no exception. She was the one who insisted on having an expansive family. It was just that this conception had been a bit hasty for her taste.

  Despite the fact that childbirth had become more facile each time her body was just plain tired of carrying the extra burden. About the time she got her figure back, adjusted to feeling empty she swelled with yet another infant. There was always a new soul mingling with hers. She had never been able to describe this sensation to her husband adequately. Men simply didn’t understand what it was like to harbor another life inside of your body. They thought a baby was unreal. An unseen object resting in the womb until it popped out and became a person.

  Paul had no idea how it bombarded her senses. She had felt each of her children distinctly, knew their personalities before their birth. She just wished this baby hadn’t come along at this time. She barely finished nursing one before another one would replace it at her breast. She was so engrossed in caring for her newborns she missed out on enjoying her toddlers.

  Rebecca eyed her daughter wistfully. It seemed like every time she blinked Xzan had grown a foot taller. It made her melancholy knowing that by the time she had the energy to do all of the things with her children that she dreamed of they would be grown undoubtedly raising babies of their own.

  “Mama,” Xzan interrupted her revelry “how did you and Papa meet?”

  It was the first time she’d been asked such an intimate question by one of her offspring. Rebecca knew she had to be careful how she responded. She had done some foolish things in her youth that she didn’t want her daughter to repeat. Paul had been somewhat of a rake in his younger years. She stretched out reaching lazily for the little girl’s hand playing with her fingertips identical to her own as a child.

  “ Your Papa was a sailor. He brought a ship full of supplies to my father from France. I met him in my father’s study while they were discussing business.”

  “Was he handsome?” Xzan prodded curiously.

  Even without most of his hair Papa was still good looking. Especially when he grinned and his eyes crinkled in the corners. Rebecca blushed prettily.

  “I thought he was the most handsome man in the whole world.”

  “What happened?”

  “He asked my father for permission to court me. My father didn’t think a lowly seaman was good enough for his only child. He refused to even consider his suit. Your Papa had a mind of his own though. He was determined to get to know me despite what my father chose for me.”

  Xzan’s eyes grew as big as saucers as the mystery unfolded.

  “What did he do?”

  “When I rode in the park,” Mama confided “he would appear out of nowhere and talk to me. Some days he took me to tea in a secluded cafe nearby. We fell in love almost instantly.”

  “Did Grandpa know?”

  “No! It was difficult for me to tell him. I had never gone behind his back before or ever disobeyed his wishes for me. My father also had someone in mind for me to marry. He kept setting up rendezvous with the man to force my hand.”

  Rebecca quavered in revulsion as she reflected on that time in her life. Xzan was totally enthralled. She sat up wrapping her arms around her knees listening assiduously.

  “To make a long story short your Papa asked me to marry him and I accepted. My father was so enraged…unyielding… he locked me in my room like a prisoner. Then he arranged a hasty marriage to this other man.”

  “What was he like?” her daughter interrupted audaciously, curious to know what sort of man could have by a twist of fate have become her father instead of Papa.

  Rebecca wrinkled her nose in distaste.

  “He was much older. Nearly my grandfather’s age… grossly obese. He belched constantly and was always eating or drinking. He looked like a pig. With a big red nose that ran all of the time. He wore women perfume…lavender I think. My father’s interest in him was his money. He was very rich. Papa wanted to make sure that I was well provided for. He also wanted to know that my husband would handle my inheritance competently.”

  Xzan waited on pins and needles for the rest of the story. Rebecca shifted stiffly laying in the opposite direction on her other side. Her daughter climbed over her facing her tiny chin propped up in her plump little hands.

  “Your Papa climbed the trellis beside my window up to the third floor to persuade me to elope with him. I did. I have never regretted that decision except for one thing.”

  Xzan held her breath expectantly. Rebecca’s eyes were moist with unshed tears. She blinked them back refusing to let it still distress her after all these years.

  “My father disowned me, left his estate to charity rather than assist us as a punishment. I never minded losing the money. Your father may not be affluent but he has always provided for us quite comfortably. Even if he lost his post at the bank we would never go hungry. I would prefer to live in poverty with Paul than in grandeur with Claude Thomas. But, “ her voice wavered. “ I loved my father. It broke my heart that he was never happy for me. He never shared the pleasure of knowing his grandchildren the way Grannie Winslow has.”

  Xzan reached out to comfort her mother caressing her hand gently. “I’m sorry Mama. But I’m so pleased that you married Papa instead. I would have loathed Mr. Thomas for a father. Especially if I had his nose.”

  She wrinkled her elegant one snorting obnoxiously. Rebecca fell back cackling then jumped to her knees tickling her daughter pulling the offending organ teasingly.

  The other children seeing their horseplay came running to join in demanding to know what was so hilarious. Rebecca gathered them all in her arms squeezing her clan tightly. She had no regrets. This was her firmament. Spawned by her choices. When the time came for her children to find their places in life she would do everything in her power to be supportive of them even if she disagreed with their preferences.

  *****

  Christmas looked bleak. After the bank closed down ending Papa’s employment when Xzan was seven her father tried his hand at shipping once more. All went well for a few years except Mama missed him terribly during his absences. In November when she was twelve Papa’s ship the Becky succumbed to a storm just off the English Channel. Every spare penny they had was invested in that cargo. The miniscule income the farm wielded would have to see them through the winter.

  Mama took the set back like she did any crisis. Seeking logical solutions to the quandaries that ensued. Every female in the house able to adeptly employ a needle and thread did so for the ladies in town. Mammy was sent to market with jellys and jams that had been lovingly preserved for the Winslow family.

  Xzan volunteered to hire out as as a maid to the Miller’s next door who were prospering and needed extra help for the forthcoming holidays. Mama altered a rather large black frock leaving plenty of room to grow in to and laboriously washed the voluminous snowy white apron that completed the uniform. A ruffled cap hid long dark curls rendering her eldest child with a rather somber appearance.

  Normally exuberant and outspoken around her family Xzan was surprisingly tongue tied and quiet around strangers. Even though they had been neighbors all of her existence, Lady Constance had no children and therefore had rarely visited.

  Nervous on her first day, but determined to do her part to help her family survive their financial crisis she took a deep breath and lifted the heavy brass knocker. It seemed to vibrate throughout the en
tire hall as metal clanged against metal. No one answered. Patient, sure that she was expected and the knocker was loud enough to wake the dead the little girl stood like a statue awaiting the doorman, but to no avail. One was not forthcoming.

  Slightly shaken and unsure of what to do next, Xzan made her way around to the back of the house following her nose to the kitchen. The heavenly aroma of fresh baking scones for the afternoon tea assailed her nostrils instantly making her wish she'd taken the milk and biscuits Mammy offered her before leaving. She'd declined knowing how many other mouths there was to feed. But this would be slow torture for the rest of the day without a morsel to staunch her rapidly growing appetite. The bottom half of the door was closed, a cherry tort cooling on its shelf. Timidly she called to the cook who was wrist deep in dough.

  “Hello...”

  “Come on in girl! Be careful with me pie!” she responded with a toothless grin. Flour and cherry juice be-speckled her apron. As she drew near the buxom woman Xzan thought she smelled as good as the food she was preparing. A hint of vanilla wafted from her arms as she waved her out of the kitchen and up the back stairs to find the housekeeper, Miss Chewly.

  If Cook was a little rotund no doubt from tasting her own craft, the housekeeper was equally as thin for hers. Her arms were no bigger around than twigs and she was exceedingly tall. Taller than Papa. She appeared severe in countenance constantly sniffing through a pinched nose, wearing a painfully tight white collar pinned to a severe black dress with no frills around the cuffs or hem. But her voice betrayed her exceedingly sweet nature. Soft with a hint of a french accent, she enunciated every word as if straining to be understood. Fascinatingly, she looked at the person she was speaking to straight in the eyes, letting them know they had her full attention at all times. For a child who was often lost in the crowd at home lately, she made Xzan feel important, that her job in the household was priceless. As she led her new helper from room to room showing her the various tasks she would need to perform she was thorough in her training to the last detail.

  “You make the bed, just so.”

  Under her quick, skilled hands, the pillows magically were fluffed, sheets tucked in, draperies tied back with golden tasseled chords, coverlets smoothed with no wrinkles in a matter of a few seconds. The worst part of her job was one Xzan had grown accustomed to in her own home, emptying the chamber pots out the windows. The rancid urine reeked like rotting eggs the longer it sat. It seemed almost too intimate to be in a stranger's home attending to such a private parts of their lives.

  Despite her youth and vitality, the work was hard and took a lot of that energy, her back ached miserably by the end of the day. She had worked almost ten hours without food or even a cup of water. Her last chore was to scrub the marble topped foyer in the front of the house. Lady Constance insisted her home was always immaculate and ready for guests at a moments notice. Cleanliness was next to godliness in her eyes. The scalding water filled with lye was heavy and made her eyes sting as she carried it carefully up the stairwell from the kitchen. Miss Chewly entrusted her with that unsupervised final task hastily embarking upon on setting out the fine china for a dinner party only a few hours away.

  Tying her skirts up around her knees as Mammy had taught her, Xzan groaned as she squatted down dipping a worn scrub brush in the hot soapy solution. Her hands felt as battered as the rest of her, stung uncomfortably, but she was so happy this was her last chore for the day. She took pride in working hard, knowing at the end of the month she could present her father with her stipend. She began to sing lightheartedly under her breath, one of the little songs she had written in her earlier childhood for the younger children. It was so gay and cheerful that Mr. Dean, the butler found himself lurking behind the stairwell curtains, listening.

  Unaware of her audience the young girl scrubbed the floor, rinsing it with a clean bucket of water and ran to find Miss Chewly to approve it so she could go home. The housekeeper was no where to be found but Mr. Dean stepped out of the darkness startling her, regal in his cravat and pantaloons as he awaited the impending guests.

  “You've done well little one. You may have a cup of milk and a slice of cheese for your dinner before you return home to your family.”

  Surprised but so hungry she could barely contain her delight, Xzan ran to the kitchen and asked Cook for the aforementioned morsels. They were presented on an older piece of china bedecked with pretty little pink roses and a gold rim. The mug of milk was warm, fresh from the cow and as she sat at the large wooden table enjoying her well earned feast, Cook churned fresh butter humming something light and airy.

  The walk home was the best of her life. She was free at last. But her day had also been an awakening. She felt empowered by the knowledge that hard work could help her survive and help those she loved as well. She didn't even mind the blisters on her hands or feet as she skipped the last ten steps home and burst in the front door with a smile.

  “Mama! Papa! I'm home!”

  She was greeted by a million questions from her family wanting to know all about her day and the juicy tidbits she had discovered about their neighbor. She didn't have much to impart on the latter as amazingly the servants all seemed to be happy and worked hard, minding their own business. But she had much to share about what she had learned about cleaning the huge manor next door. She went to bed early that evening after Mammy soaked her hands and feet in sea salt reassuring her that it would help her heal faster and rubbing a lineament on them once she was in bed that smelled like camphor.

  The days passed too swiftly as Xzan fell in to a routine, working ten hours a day next door and coming home to help with her younger siblings while Mammy made dinner for the huge brood. She knew that it was only a temporary position through the holidays but she was learning so much and it very interesting to be around different people all of whom had such unique personalities. She was the youngest person in the house so she was very surprised a week before Christmas to find a girl close to her age wandering in the garden.

  Xzan walking two of the family dogs, both miniature collies, jumped as the young lady suddenly appeared seemingly from out of nowhere.

  “Oh...” her heart pounding, “You gave me a start!”

  “Sorry. I seem to be turned around. It took me forever to get out of the maze. Which way do I go to get to the stables? I was thinking of having a ride before Tea.”

  Dressed stylishly in a pale gray velvet riding habit with a three quarters length full skirt, a tucked bodice and shiny black toe boots, Xzan realized the lady in front of her was a child like herself despite her adult demeanor and cultured voice. Atop golden curls pinned in front of her ears sat the most unusual hat Xzan had ever seen. Darker gray, velvety in texture, plumed, bespangled with sewn in gems and handcrafted burgundy roses it was the most presumptuous hat for child or adult that the young girl had ever seen. It was all she could do not to giggle at the sight of the obviously wealthy young girl's attire. No doubt it was a fashion statement straight from France but it looked slightly ridiculous on one so young.

  Keeping her thoughts to herself stifling her emotions, Xzan pointed to the south.

  “If you don't mind the dogs I'll walk with you and show you the way.”

  “I'm in no hurry.” she smiled. “What is your name?”

  Xzan was surprised that a guest would ask a servant such a personal question but she responded politely.

  “Xzan.”

  A dainty white gloved hand extended in a friendly way.

  “Xzan, what a lovely name! I'm Carrie. Lady Constance is my paternal Great-Aunt.”

  Xzan steered clear of the little presents the dogs deposited along the garden trail. Leading Carrie to the stables she wrinkled her nose in disgust. The smell of manure was even more overpowering than the stench of wet dogs. She grinned.

  “No matter how close I hold my perfumed hanky to my nose it just smells like rose dung.”

  Carrie laughed. It lit up her face giving her a beauty that her pale
features belied. Hazel eyes met blue ones and they became instant friends. Xzan had a feeling there wasn't much laughter in Carrie's life from how relieved she seemed to share it now. They might not be from the same stations in life financially at the moment, but Papa could make a fortune at any moment and all of that would change again. Holding their noses they ran the rest of the distance together as only children can, filled with a sudden burst of exuberance. The dogs nipped at their heels barking loudly, happy too.

  “Here it is. Have a nice ride. I have to rush or your Aunt will be upset with me for taking too long.”

  “Will I see you later? Do you live here with the staff?”

  “No, my family lives to the east of here. I'm just helping out for the holidays. But I come every day, so I'll see you again.”

  Carrie's face fell.

  “Oh...I was hoping you had a room after your through working for the day we could visit with each other.”

  Xzan chewed on her lip thinking.

  “Let me ask my mother when I go home tonight if I can stay after I’m finished working tomorrow.”

  Carries smiled hopefully.

  “Oh do you think she'll let you? I'll have to ask my Aunt Connie too, but I'm sure she won't mind. She knows I never have anyone my age around. Everyone is soooo old.”

  Xzan giggled.

  “I'm the youngest here...but at home, I have maaaaaany younger brothers and sisters. It would nice for me too to have someone my age to talk to.”

  “Oh, me too!”

  “I'll let you know tomorrow.”

  Xzan waved goodbye rushing towards the house, knowing that she had taken all the time she could without getting in trouble for her task. Singing lightly under her breath she took the dogs off their leashes and freed them in the downstairs room the lady of the house had designated as their sole domain. Making sure they had plenty of water and a bone each Xzan made her way back to the kitchen in search of Miss Chewly who was last seen there polishing silver.